The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
