Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She told me I should be a condom model.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
