I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
