so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
