my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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