I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
