Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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