Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
