yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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