If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
