i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
