I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
