my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
