Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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