I wannas sexs uuuuu
i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
