Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
