The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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