im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
