Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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