the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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