So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
