my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
