South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
