I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
