is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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