They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
