no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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