Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
