I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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