Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize