I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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