I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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