There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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