me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
