I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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