I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
