I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You can't just leave with hair like that
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
