He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
