You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize