I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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