ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
