ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
