dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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