the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
