I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
