Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
