How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
