apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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