I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
