tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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