Sponge bath it is.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
