i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
