Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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