Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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