Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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