Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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