thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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