Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
