for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
