Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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