he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
