The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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