Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
