cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize