I must be too annoying 4 u.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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