The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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