I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
