If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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