I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
