I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
