I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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