Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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