I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
