Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We're too hungover to prance.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize