I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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