just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
