my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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