The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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