Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
