i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
