We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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