i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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