you turned your livingroom into a bong?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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