My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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