i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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