I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
