i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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