the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
