Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
