2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No subtext here. People are naked.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
