I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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