I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We have so much sex to catch up on
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
