she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
