She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize