this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
