She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
