Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
