That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
