Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
