I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
