party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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