i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
