We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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