Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize